Arbor Vitae

That a headache persisting three days into your return to Malaysia is caused by MSG overload, and not heatstroke.

That Malaysia has open gutters and not covered drains. That it is never advisable to heedlessly tumble into said gutters, due to the presence of copious amounts of debris and a very, very healthy population of sleek and extremely well-fed rats (A special shout-out goes to the enormous rodents who dwell in the sewers outside Murni).

That drinking water straight from the tap should be practised only in Australia, and not Malaysia.

That far from being a fashion faux pas, it’s perfectly acceptable to go shopping in your pyjamas/ muumu/ sleep apparel. Sleepwear trendsetter alert: Said fashionistas spotted both at Tesco and at the local pasar malam.

That the irritation caused by heat, humidity and need to shower three times a day is mitigated by the fact that everyone is in the same stinking, hot, smelly, sticky boat as you are.

That there is no substitute for friends and for mamak-ing with said friends in the flesh at 4am in the morning.

That the frustration of trying your hardest not to swear in front of your family (and occasionally failing) can be greatly eased. The means to achieve this would be to swear as frequently and frivolously as possible when out with friends.

Even if you feel that being unable to find a parking space directly in front of the main entrance of Kayu Nasi Kandar may not provide sufficient provocation, do it anyway. Remember: When in doubt, swear (then burst into fits of manical laughter).

Right, Miss Law Student?  *winks* 

That like Dorothy, you’ve come to realise: There’s no place like home.

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