Arbor Vitae

Tip # 1: DON’T ask for a discount.

Tip # 2-10: Remember Tip # 1 when out shopping.

p/s: flailing a bag around and almost putting a retail assistant’s eye out will not gain you a discount.

in this situation, rude/ threatening/ unreasonable behaviour is of no avail either.

eg: slamming luggage on to the counter/ sneering at or running down merchandise in the store hoping to get a discount/ deliberately scratching or damaging merchandise in full view (DUH?!) of the assistant and then pointing it out to him/her.

p p/s: the above examples were drawn from real life. no retail assistants were hurt in the production of this ’self-help’ article.

p p p/s (as a definite afterthought): no customers (unreasonable or otherwise) were hurt in the production of this article either, although the story would have been different had the retail assistants been equipped with Tazers *evil chuckle*

i received a huge C*A*R*E* (Can Anyone Really Eat Everything in hEre) package from mom today.

woohoo!!!!!!!

i got two, yes, two flavours of instant noodles: abalone + chicken and duck.

and a huge packet of sesame twists.

and a large bag of spicy batter-coated peanuts.

and some Boh 3-in-1 tea sachets

*heheheheh* (guess who’s going to have a go at making teh tarik tomorrow?)

and some Ricola Swiss herbal candy (yeah, go figure, how is that Malaysian at all, right?)

but allow me to momentarily digress…

i pick can of Ricola up.

i open can.

i sniff (hey, i have no idea why i did that either!) can of Ricola.

i reel from the fumes.

i decide to suck a few more people (B. and B.’s dad) in.

B. and B.’s Dad reel from fumes.

*muahahahaahah*

anyways, i read the label.

the label has 11 kinds of Swiss herbs listed, all with rugged, fibrous-sounding names that sound like they could be good for you.

eg: plantain, mallow, horehound, sage, yarrow, cow-slip

i check back of can.

back of can has a picture of a Swiss mountain meadow.

ooooooh, lovely, how idyllic.

it’s as though you’re running around on that mountain-top with your mouth wide open, so that all 11 kinds of herbs can fall in at the same time.

*lolz*

when i was in my second year of Journalism, my most esteemed lecturer/ mentor gave me this piece of advice on how to churn out a snappy article: open with a(n) (interesting) quote.

i have taken his advice to heart.

i choose to begin this blog with the quote below - replicated practically verbatim from the MSN website

(comments in brackets are my own):

"Bilingual products are being introduced in all (and trust me, they mean ALL) aspects of baby development.

K. (some random company) launches its Choo-Choo Trainer potty seat that converts to a step stool"

(wow, finally - you can now step in your baby’s s*** to get down that jar of hard-to-reach pasta sauce from the top shelf)

"The English or Spanish option encourages children to learn fun phrases…"

(like what??? look at me mummy, i just took a big dump??)

…and train-theme songs in both languages"

(here are two samples, but, oh! the possibilities, set to the tune of *twinkle twinkle little star*:

*mummy, mummy, won’t you see?/

my crap today has got peas/

i don’t want to crap so much/

can’t i rest instead of munch?/

this potty’s getting really full/

i can’t eat any more food*

and

*mummy, mummy can’t you see/

i just filled up my potty/

it is brown and it is funky/

some is soft and some is chunky/

mummy, mummy i love poo/

won’t you come and join me too?*

"The potty includes a map with bilingual stickers for potty training rewards."

(for example: "I’m a little s***, but I hope to be a big one some day"/ "I did a biiiiiig one today for mummy!"/ "It’s all about the strain and struggle")

*michelle is ROTFLHAO*

anyways, blog out!

p/s: remember folks, if you purchase this superb product, your little tyke/ tyketina will be able to use all aforementioned phrases in english and spanish!!

*more hysterical laughter*

blah!!!!!!

i am so stressed!!!

i have a lit review due tomorrow that i haven’t started on yet (as of 7.20pm sunday night!)

not to mention the socy exam on tuesday and the psych exam on saturday.

oh, and i just finished a 5-day streak at work.

blahhhhhhh!!!!

i would tear my hair out in handfuls if i could, but my scalp won’t let me.

damn resilient scalp!!!

i discovered today how much i love paper.

we went to Eckersley’s this afternoon and splurged on art supplies. B. is actually giving me my birthday present(s) in instalments because i couldn’t figure out what i wanted at the time. plus, it’s financially more viable.

not to mention the fact that i seriously don’t mind. i tend to think of it as the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving…*wink* but i’m certainly not taking B. on one-way ride to financial disaster here…he’s just spending the amount he would normally spend on a single b-day present, just in instalments.

but so far, it’s involved arts supplies, designer paper (which i’ll get to later) and (hopefully) high tea (oooooh, those pastries and scones *slurps*) sometime soon. 

so, as i was saying, i spent a couple of hours picking out handmade paper for the cards i’m so fond of making. ..*lolz* too fond of making actually *looks sheepish*… because i, in my fondness have kept my little stash all to my ownty-downty-self.

i’ve made a couple that are going to their designated owners (birthday cards/get well cards), but i admit i am pretty darn possessive when it comes to them - hey, you would be too if it took 4 cut fingers and lots of squinting to get the cards right!

so, i (or rather, B.) splurged on some nice Cristina Re paper plus some handmade japanese stuff which has a nice organic feel to it…can’t wait to get started and see what this new lot of paper can be transformed into…

p/s: Ryan, i know you’re probably in fits of laughter as you’re reading this..yeah, yeah…all this craft-y stuff probably seems kind of nutty to you, but hey, can i bribe you with the offer of a handmade card sometime ? :p

it’s not the SJ you think it is.

but don’t get me wrong, you’d be hard-pressed to find a bigger fan of SATC.

i mean SJ not as in Sarah Jessica, but as in Scarlett Johansson.

and that is a big thing for me as i tend to gravitate to character actors, not the flashes-in-the-pan - for all of you out there who absolutely need to know who i mean, it’s people like tara reid, lindsay lohan and hilary duff who get up my nose.

ms johansson’s career trajectory has certainly been interesting. i first became a fan when she starred in ghost world, followed by lost in translation, which is quite possibly my favourite film of all time. and her performance in girl with a pearl earring was beautifully understated. 

and her latest flick? well, the little-girl-lost-and-clinging-to-her-man thing did annoy me a little, but hey, if that man was ewan macgregor, wouldn’t you cling too?

and seeing as how we’re on the topic of actresses…

i have to say i’m really disappointed with some of the choices nicole kidman has made lately. is there some obscure rule that mandates oscar winners have to make a couple of stinkers after they’ve received their awards?

because halle berry certainly did. she followed up monster’s ball with catwoman - yeuch (or should it be meowwww?)! that movie should have gond straight to DVD and then been relegated to the $2.99 clearance bin where it belongs.

but ms kidman has certainly made some boo-boos lately. stepford wives (not even a stellar cast was going to save that one) and a remake of bewitched (oh, that ditzy blonde thing is soooooo annoying).

why, oh why does she have to break her winning streak with stinkers like that? she was really on a roll there: moulin rouge followed by the others (both fave flicks of mine), then birthday girl (pretty challenging role) and the hours (a performance worthy of a little gold statue here - although i think meryl streep deserved one too)

blah.

anyways, the island was a pretty good watch, but keep in mind you have to suspend disbelief just a little for the entire 90 minutes

blog out.

p/s: hopefully scarlett johansson doesn’t trip up and make an absolute stinker after having had such a good run. having said that though, she had enough sense to blow off tom cruise regards MI3. good one!

i wish people would leave me alone.

i don’t need to be told that thawing ice-cream makes it easier to scoop (like duh!)

i don’t want to hear about your petty triumph of the day.

i don’t want you to know every thought that goes through my head.

i don’t want to be woken up at 4am by you ringing, because in your neurotic-ness you decided a burglar (a possum actually), was trying to break into the house.

i don’t need you to hurry me up when i’m trying to decided what i’m going to have for dinner.

i don’t need your cooking tips when i’m trying a new recipe.

and i certainly don’t need you ‘educating’ me on food from my native country.

and just for the record, my refusal to eat your over-cooked cauliflower mush doesn’t make me a criminal.

no, thank you, Nosey Parker, my life is Not your Problem. 

our friend, D. has a cat named Yuki, who, for reasons unbeknownst to us is also nicknamed Boogi.

Yuki-Boogi(ey?) needed to get some shots at the vet last week, so we offered to drive D there. he, unfortunately belongs to the tribe of the transport-less, with the exception of the No. 11 bus (namely his own 2 legs) and whatever taxi he manages to seduce by waving his limitless cab credit card around (yes, there is a such a thing and D. is loaded, so the card is therefore limitless).

5 minutes into the trip, D. starts murmuring things like ‘bad Boogi’ and ‘oh no’. turns out Yuki had managed to lay down a No. 1 AND 2 in the car, plus she managed to Boogey her way around it. consequently, there was one very messed-up cage, one very smug, clean cat and 3 humans completely overcome by the fumes. 

this week, B. offered (yeah i know, why oh why is he so nice?) to drive Yuki-Boogi to the cattery where she’s vacationing for a couple of months while her owner has his human equivalent overseas.

this being a 2-hour trip, all i can say is *WOOOOOOO*.

4 changes of newspapers later she was still going strong.

*bleuagh*

we so need some Febreze to deodorise the car now.

tomorrow is D(esperation)-Day.

laundry day, cleaning day, ironing day, cooking day.

and to top it all off, i’m feeling a bit under the weather at the moment. i’ve probably caught some bug that’s going around - a hazard of working in retail - too many people, too much contact, too little fresh air circulating around.

blah.

how do women do it all?

what i have to do is: plough through my laundry, iron my uniform, clean a studio apartment and cook dinner for two then work a 4-hour shift.

mutate that in a full day at work, 2 kids needing to be bathed, fed, read to and tucked into bed, a $300,000 mortgage, 2 cars which are constantly screwing up, cooking family-sized meals 7 days a week, cleaning a full-sized house and doing a laundry load for 4 - arrghh, will i ever be strong (or crazy?) enough to do all that?

desperate housewives?

more like women who want it all desperately needing a break from all that they wanted (a career, a family and possibly a packed social life).

p/s: before anyone out there starts asking the obvious question - what about the male - i would just like to say that this isn’t a whingey blog.

i’m pretty lucky because B. is a better cook than i am and is as domesticated as anyone out there.

but more importantly, he genuinely wants to spare me the inconvenience/ hassle of housework when i’m feeling unwell/ am busy at uni/ am buggered from work. he does what he can and sometimes, more than he can.

but B.’s got a full day of uni tomorrow, so it’s my turn. plus, he’s been bloody tired lately, his lecturer has really been flogging them hard (and i mean hard).

not to mention the fact that this guy’s an absolute psycho. he pitched a radio out of a window last week, unprovoked, because he felt it was distracting him.

last time i checked, students were allowed to have music playing in the architecture studio because it helps them create (or so the theory goes).

anyways, he managed to shatter a pane of glass, wreck the radio, smash an unfortunate student’s model to bits and sprayed glass all over the sketching tables.

grreeaat.

artistic temperament or no, this guy has to tone it down a bit. as it is, the student who owned the radio almost punched his lights out.

bleaugh, wouldn’t that have been a sight. i’ve been at uni for 5 years and have yet to see a lecture in a physical altercation with a student.

anyways, blog out.

here’s something completely inane.

you know the bohemian look that’s currently oh-so-hot and flying off the shelves at this very moment even as we speak?

well…

Lenny the Cat decided that Michelle just wasn’t fashionable enough and that I/ he should definitely hop on the boho bandwagon.

I came home today just in time to see him ripping up the hems of my jeans with his big-ass fangs and razor-sharp claws.

oooh la la, tres chic, tres a la mode.

if only it wasn’t covered in cat spit

at least i’ve solved the mystery of why my jeans always look kind of raggedy around the edges - it’s not just the fact that i scuff, shuffle and stomp on them everyday.

yeah, i know, i have heard of hemming, but who could be bothered? plus, do you know how hard it is to get a needle through denim?

next time i need a new look, i can blow off the seamstress and have Lenny alter something for me

woohoo, Sienna Miller, watch out!