Arbor Vitae

this is a faithful transcript of a conversation i had yesterday with a relative of mine, while i was on the shop floor.

me: hello, haven’t seen you for a while! how are things going?

her: *sniggers* so tell me, how did you get so fat?

me: *spluttering with indignation on the inside* uhhh….

her: *more chortling, followed by a friendly slap to the upper arm*

me: *fervently wishing it was permissible to clock one’s rellies on the head with a stapler/ whatever else is handy* only manages to death grin

it was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Scenario 1. insidious racism

i discovered that someone at work thought anyone whose skin tone was darker than hers should automatically be relegated to the category of ‘black’.

WTF???

i knew she had some *ahem* ‘interesting’ views on race and culture relations, but this was…too much…*michelle gets red in the face*

i don’t have to put up with this and i won’t. the plus being that this is a working/ professional relationship and i can treat it as such. if she puts one toe over the line, there’s going to be someone (not me!) coming down like a ton of bricks on her - thank goodness for that. which is why Oz has policies in place for situations, times and places such as these.

but the lines demarcating the appropriate and the non-appropriate are not as clearly marked for other people in her life.

i can only pity her future daughter-in-law whose is *ahem ahem* ‘non-white’ and is therefore automatically ‘black’. and heaven forbid that her grandkids wouldn’t look like ‘Her" (with the royal capital ‘H‘, of course).

this is the first time i have come up against insidious racism and while it’s subtle, it is no less damaging.

may i add that i am not the only person at work (asian, non asian, white, black, beige, pink, blue and every skin tone in between) who feels outraged about her views and the fact that she chooses to voice them (selectively, and never directly to me).

i have always maintained a civil and professional working relationship with this person.

let’s hope it remains that way.

p/s: the terms ‘white’ and ‘black’ as used in this blog may offend some - it offends me too! however, it is not my intention to offend and any usage of such terms are either paraphrased or quoted verbatim from my understanding of this person and the situation. 

Scenario 2. overt homophobia

in the course of our usual gab-fest, a friend of mine mentioned that she was finding it hard making time to see all her friends over the weekend.

it appears there was growing strife between her best (gay, male) friend and her other best (very conservative, straight ,female) friend.

the bottom line was this: straight female friend refuses to be in the same room, or even under the same roof, as gay male friend.

straight female friend says she expects my friend to be more ‘respectful’ of her beliefs and mentioned the fact that her family finds people of homosexual orientation ‘unacceptable’.

my response to my friend:

what about YOUR beliefs?

it is YOUR house into which she is being invited.

you could also mention the fact that YOUR family finds homophobia unacceptable.

it really is impossible for everyone to get along with everyone else.

but is the idea of being in the same room as someone (regardless of their creed/ orientation/ culture/ age/ race) so abhorrent that you would put your friendship on the line?

Scenario 3. misogynist setting

occasion: farewell dinner.

people: 8 males, 1 female

location: brisbane’s cbd

annoyance factor: 8 males clamouring to dine at T. Club - the place of many leather club chairs and cancer-inducing plumes of cigar smoke aka male domain 101.

said club has recently come into the open about its (at best) ambivalent/ (at worst) antagonistic stance against females.

having recently fallen on dire financial straits, this previously elitist club has announced that it will take on any male that cares to join, on the condition that they can stand and sign.

however, its hallowed *ahem* halls would remained sealed to females.

anyone care to guess where that group went out to dinner that night?

location: NOT the T. club

votes: 1 (carried by the female)

i have the attention span of a lemming.

i am far too fickle for my own good.

i have only made 3 cards and i think the craze might have cooled off for a bit, or heaven forbid, died. (in which case, what am i going to do with the $30 worth of papers and tools that i’ve bought?)

i’ve taken 7 library books out, but i can’t concentrate on any one of them long enough to get to the finale(s)

and i still can’t make up my mind what i’m going to cook when i make my next sojourn into the kitchen

p/s: most recent meal of field mushrooms encased in a coriander and chive omelette had to be made when B. wasn’t around. he hates eggs and mushrooms with a passion!

i want to visit the lavender farm and rose park and macadamia plantation at the scenic rim (and it’d better bloody well be scenic!), but i can’t make up my mind when to go.

blah.

i really do have the attention span of a lemming.

p/s: hmmm…maybe lemming wasn’t the best descriptor. how about gnat/ goldfish Ryan?

p/ p s: tan jie, are you trying to imply by your comment that i’m fat???? (so says the girl who posts blog entries such as ‘food, glorious food)

thanks for the comments though, guys! blog out. 

i love food.

i love home-made grilled garlicky field mushrooms and prawn tom yum noodles and rosti jacket potatoes.

i love duc d’or chocolates and lychee bubble tea.

i love japanese katsu curry and mashed potatoes and caesar salad.

i love banana cake and paprika scones and farm-fresh butter.

i love indian curry and vietnamese noodles and chinese fried rice.

i love oportos’ bondi burger with spicy portugese sauce and crisp chunky chips.

i am totally obssessed with food (as if you couldn’t tell!)

that’s because i’ve just started dieti- *ahem* changing my eating habits.

*sheepish grin*

i saw the weirdest thing on the idiot box today.

ok.

so that wasn’t the most profound statement i have ever uttered or am going to utter in my lifetime (hopefully).

the idiot box is inevitably the peephole through which we view this crazy zany zonked-out world of ours. depending on how crazy things are in your neck of the woods (or insert suitable description for locale here), you might need an extra bolt/ latch/ lock on the door in addition to the peephole

but seriously, this cranked things up a notch.

The program was about this rich socialite who decided that her pint-sized (and i mean, pint-sized) chihuahua needed a ‘makeover‘.

having made this momentous decision, she proceeded to drag the chihuahua to a ‘canine designer boutique’ with a pooch stylist in tow.

pooch stylist?????

whatever. i don’t care if you styled the back end of paris hilton’s chihuahua tinker-what’s-her-name. credibility -  nil ; ridicule factor - 100.

anyways, i digress.

back to the program.

after much ooh-in and aah-ing and primping and coiffing, they (as in mrs snooty and mr stylist managed to cram the poor chihuahua into a pair of combat fatigue pants and four stars-and-stripes hightop boots.

like WHAaaatTT?????

1. it’s a DOG, woman, get a grip. that pooch looks better first thing in the morning than you’ll ever look with $20,000 worth of Botox and lipo.

2. the poor chihuahua was clearly miserable -  have you ever seen a dog tap-dance before? the pooch was tapping out a pretty catchy rhythm just trying to get those damn boots off its paws.

3. it’s a DOG.

but ranting and raving aside, i do believe it’s cruel and unnatural for owners to parade around with their pets swanned up like they’re heading for the lead float at the Sydney Mardi Gras.

if you want to suffer in the name of fashion (stilettoes anyone?), so be it. just don’t, in your Botox-induced haze, inflict the same upon your four-legged companion.

i was looking at all the photos on friendster today and a thought hit me.

the people.

the season.

the locale.

and for some -

the lifestyle!

the glitz!

the bling!

each photo a memento - the meticulous inscribing of the happiest, most meaningful, most memorable moments of our lives.

but who takes snapshots of themselves when they are down?

when they are on their knees, not knowing if they can go on.

when tears fall and hearts get broken.

when apathy and despair and frustration and anger obscures all the glow and happiness?

would i?

would i take a photo of myself when i was down?

i’m not sure.

but it serves to remind me that no one would.

and if they did, they would hesitate to release it into the e-universe, with all its uncertainties and vagaries and faceless unknowns out there.

so when that pang of envy hits, when i’m thinking ‘wouldn’t i like to be her, she’s smarter/ prettier/ slimmer/ richer/ more popular than i am’, when i don’t feel like i want to be me any longer.

i should remember.

no one takes snapshots of themselves when they’re down.

the only snapshots that exist are those of ourselves at our most radiant, unique best.

so, perhaps, just maybe, this isn’t a case of WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).

*deep breath*

first blog.

*deep breath*

ok.

well, maybe not my first blog ever. i do have a hi5 account which has been shamefully abandoned for some time now (Ryan, if you’re reading this, i’m guessing there’s a grin on your face

i’m feeling a little more upbeat these days *fingers crossed so i don’t jinx myself* : new direction, new eating habits (i still refuse to use the "D" word - Diet), new hobbies (cooking, handmade cards).

hopefully a new me  - a michelle/ shinyi who’s less stressed and obssessive-compulsive about wiping kitchen benches and straightening merchandise whenever i go browsing in a store (hey, i’ve been in retail for 3 years now, so tidying is kind of habit forming) *sheepish grin*

and i’m hopefully easier to live with these days. poor B had to put up with me, even when i was a grumpy grouchy grizzly bear, whatever the trigger - that time of the month, a bad day at work, an incompetent group member etc - so you can imagine what he’s been through.

had an alright (hey, i said i wasn’t going to jinx myself!) day at uni. i really need to keep on top of things. besides, most of my subjects don’t look too bad. the psych and sociology electives might even be interesting. the journalism subject i haven’t made my mind up about yet.

it didn’t get off to the best of starts, what with the non-functional air-conditioning, the lack of chairs and a total absence of elbow room. add a warm-ish afternoon and a droning, stooped, dry 60-year-old professor into the mix and what you’ll get is 20 very drowsy students.

i just about busted the door down on my way out. as it is, one girl had to leave early. nausea, she said. hell, it wouldn’t have been the overwhelming stench of BO, would it?

anyways, blog out.

p/s: Ryan, if you are in this neck of the woods, i am going to repeat myself and say ‘take care’.